New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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