i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
