did you get engaged???
you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
