I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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