Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
