I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
