I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
