wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
