I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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