Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
