How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
They have beer where we have blood.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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