but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
