By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize