I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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