I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
