i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
