is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
