The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
