You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you had me at cake vodka
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
