I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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