Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
