you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
cat food counts as protein by the way
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
