I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
