put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize