We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So squirting runs in the family.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
