so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
