Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
