its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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