After last night, I could never be a politician.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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