I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
