if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
