so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
