Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
