i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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