Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
