I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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