you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
