Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
