hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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