So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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