Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
