No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
