If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
