Best friends brother. Beat that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
