When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
