The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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