I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
