You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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