You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
