About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
