Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
