Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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