I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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