wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
