Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need water and some morals
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize