my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
