Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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