Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
