I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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