I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
