Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize