There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
