you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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