the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
