it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize