Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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