I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
