i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
