Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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