It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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