1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
