Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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