I just found puke in my bra..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
