I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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