Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
