once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
