I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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