I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize