No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
