I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
