apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
