don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
