Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
