please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
