I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
