I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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