ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
