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Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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