i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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