Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
