Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
