Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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