He uses pillows to masturbate.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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