Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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