You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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