I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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