just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
