Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize