his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
