I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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