just come out here and I will go home with you...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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