Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You are the jesus of drinking
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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