My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
