How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
FUCK WHALES
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
