And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
