i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
