i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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