Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
