I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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