oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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