I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize