My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
