evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
