Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
