okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
