I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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