shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
