So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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