Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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