He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Randomize
