P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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