she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
