Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
